Politics and other dirty words, Dec 8, 2000
You call this a crisis?
Politics and other dirty words, Dec 8, 2000
You call this a crisis? |
|
American democracy is dead! Long live American democracy!
Of course, the current political crisis is bringing pundits out of The woodwork, with a whole new crop of platitudes to describe just how strong American democracy is. This is a good thing, because having them stroke the collective American ego keeps them from doing actual jobs, and I'm all for that. I'm not going to quote anybody specifically here - (I'm still waiting for my application to the pundits union to come through, and I wouldn't want to screw it up). But you've probably heard enough of them already. Since they pay me for this column (theoretically, at least), I'll go ahead and summarize the general tone with three perky Haikus.
In other countries
Tanks would be in the streets
Just keep counting chads.
It just goes to show
Our democracy is strong
No-one's been shot (yet).
What's that giggling?
The French are laughing at us?
Go, eat your ripe cheese!
That pretty much sums up the punditry. The American media continues to focus on every bit player in this drama, analyzing with a glee that borders on orgasmic, every new vote tally, partisan charge and poll result. The result has been near total myopia. Perhaps we think that that the rest of the world has stopped whatever it was that they were doing before this all started, and are now gathered in front on their televisions in their own houses or yurts, waiting breathlessly to see which of the two over-privileged corporate puppet will prevail. Perhaps we are idiots.
Other countries are doing pretty much what they were doing before our national soap opera began: Fighting with their neighbors, oppressing ethnic minorities, chopping down their rain forests, making shoes for export, or just collapsing. Its pretty much business as usual for Our friends around the globe.
For example, back in my old adopted homeland of Taiwan, President Chen Shui-bian, elected with great fanfare earlier this year, is currently fending off attacks from the old ruling party that he'd ousted from power after fifty years of near one-party rule (most of it pretty nasty). To make matters worse, rumor has it that Chen has been involved in a bit of an inter-office Clintonian love nest with his translator.
The Japanese government is in the process of sloughing off yet another Prime Minister, making its once-mighty economy spasm and heave. In the Philippines, cities throughout the country have erupted with popular demonstrations called to force the ouster of their President Estrada. In Israel, Prime Minister Barak has agreed to early elections, less than a year into his own troubled term. For sheer spontaneity, we all have to admire ex-Peruvian president Alberto Fujimora's decision to resign from his post from the safety of a Tokyo hotel.
There are many more examples, but I wouldn't want to stretch the American attention span too far. And the ones I've mentioned are relatively benign governmental crises, nearly free of the looting, pillaging, and currency collapses that usually accompany the more lively ones. No matter who winds up winning this thing, our own government will continue on like the 200+ year old behemoth it is, lumbering ceaselessly from coast to coast, stopping only occasionally at Denny's for a Grand Slam breakfast.
We now return you to your amusing constitutional crisis, already in progress.
Joshua Samuel Brown is a freelance humorist. He can be reached at phibes@ficnet.net
comments? Email me at "josambro at josambro dot com"
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