Politics and other dirty words, Nov 2, 2000
"A Bush Family Thanksgiving"
Politics and other dirty words, Nov 2, 2000
"A Bush Family Thanksgiving" |
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George Sr. ...and also bless our friends in Saudi Arabia, without whom we'd be slightly less wealthy. Amen.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm famished. Who wants some turkey?
The families begin eating and chatting quietly. George Jr. slouches cradling his head in his left hand, making a few pokes at his food dejectedly.
Barb - Georgie, is there something wrong? You haven't even touched your food. Come on pumpkin, at least eat some stuffing.
Dubya Aw, I'm not hungry.
George Sr. Come on now, son. Sulking won't make it better. NEIL! Gosh darn it, why are you taking food off of uncle Dick's plate? You've got more than enough on your own.
Neil - I didn't do nothin'. Besides, uncle Dick is asleep again, he don't need it.
Dubya - I wouldn't be all this worked up if Jeb had kept his end of the bargain. Jeb promised me Florida, swore he'd get Florida right into my pocket. How in the hell did he ever get to be governor in the first place? (George Sr. shoots off an icy glare at his namesake).
Jeb - Aw, why don't you just quit your bellyaching, George? We've still got the most votes, the secretary of state's in our corner, and besides, even if they do find all those Jewish votes we tossed, you still got Texas.
Dubya - I don't want Texas!!! I want to be president. I worked for it, its mine. Mine Mine Mine Mine Mine! Dad, why can't you just go in there and fix this for me, just one last time. Make them courts stop counting them ballots again, it ain't fair! The people is already spoken, and they spoken for me!
D. Cheney - HaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaKKK!
Neil - Aw, gross! Dad, Uncle Dickie's blowing chunks at the table.
D. Cheney - I'm...having...chest pains...
George Sr. - Just slap him on the back a few times, he'll come to. Good man, Dick Cheney. Solid like a rock.
Barb - Please Georgie, eat something. You need to keep up your strength if you want to grow up to be a big, strong president.
Dubya. - No! Not gonna eat nothin' until you get me that presidency! I'll just sit here and starve to death, then you'll be happy. I'll even…I'll even get drunk, that'll show you all!
Neil - Ha…George's gonna get drunk, this'll be funny. Here George, why don't you have a sip of my Southern Comfort…Hell, take the whole bottle!
George Sr. - NEIL! Now you just stop that! I can still make that call to the Savings and Loan board, don't think that I won't.
Neil - (slumps down) Aw, dad...I was just funnin...
George Sr. - Georgie, you just sit down and relax. I told you that I'd take care of this and I will. You just have some of your mother's fine pie. (Mary Cheney starts giggling) Now you just stop that, Mary! This is supposed to be a family occasion.
Dubya - (through a mouthful of stuffing)I still say that you ought to just get some of your CIA friends to take care of that geek for good…
George Sr. - Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.
...And so, pater having restored harmony, we leave this Rockwell-esque scene of American family life.
Joshua Samuel Brown is a freelance humorist. He can be reached at phibes@ficnet.net
comments? Email me at "josambro at josambro dot com"
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